What Makes a Man
by Hystericaled
Summary: Orochimaru insists that he wins, Jiraiya wants another chance and Sarutobi just have to butt in. Oh, and Tsunade finds out that eavesdropping never brings about anything thing good. So…what makes a man? A longer, thicker...? What? XD


For all you creeps out there. (^_^) My words of caution? Think dirty. (^.~)

Note: Set when Orochimaru, Jiraiya, Tsunade and Sarutobi were on good terms.  
>Rated T cause I'm paranoid. :

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and any of its characters.**

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><p>Tsunade sulked as she stepped out of the Elders' room, a scowl on her face as she made her way down the tower.<p>

'Don't you know the serious repercussions of you actions? You could have caused a war between the Konoha and Suna, but I guess that thought did not cross your mind at that time did it? I want you to reflect on your mistakes. No mission will be assigned to you for the next three days, blah blah blah...'

Gods, she'd thought they would never shut up, those old bag of bones.

And with those old fogies, it is always a disaster. Do this and you'll cause a war. Do that and you'll also start a war. What will it be next? Breathe and that'll start another war?

But the Suna council member deserved it anyway. The stupid idiot even dared to _grope her ass._

No...she shouldn't have stopped at a punch.

She should have kicked him into next week.

Tsunade frowned, as her steps slowed to a stop. All this pent up anger, and no where to direct them to. Well, she could just find Jiraiya and pound his face into the ground. He deserves it, probably for some reason.

Her face screwed up in thought as she considered what excuse she could use. For peeping on her in the hot spring, she had bound him at the top of the Hokage Tower and left him hanging for days. Without his shirt. In the hot sun. So she probably can't use that anymore.

Whatever, Tsunade shrugged, as she continued on her way down the tower. Hit first, talk later. And if he grumbles too much, hit some more.

Tsunade's spirit lifted and she skipped down the stairs. But a certain voice drifting out from the Hokage room made her prick up her ears.

"It's your turn to pick the challenge, Oro." Jiraiya's voice was highly distinguishable. It sounded like it belonged to a pervert, and she couldn't be more right. "So what's it going to be?"

A bored monotonous one soon followed. "No Jiraiya. I refuse to have a part in your silly antics. Go bother Tsunade instead. I'm busy."

"With what? Reading papers? Seriously Orochimaru, there is more to life than that. ...or are you scared that you'll lose to me even when on your terms? Hah, I should have known-"

Oh, wrong move. Tsunade knew that Jiraiya was obviously provoking Orochimaru into doing what he wants, and Orochimaru knew it to. But she also knew that it wouldn't prevent Orochimaru from rising to the challenge. And whatever Orochimaru did, he liked to _win_.

"Alright then-" Whatever else Orochimaru said, Tsunade did not hear. A hand landed on her shoulder, and she spun around, stunned. She had been too busy listening in, and she had let her guard down.

"Tsunade-sama, I was just wondering if you had went to see the Elde-" Tsunade nodded impatiently as she waved the assistant away. Way to spoil her good show.

She hurriedly returned her attention to the occupants in the room. What was the challenge? How much did she miss? Were they going to fight? That'd secure Orochimaru's win for sure, she thought.

"What? You did something to me didn't you?" Jiraiya's enraged voice was not hard to pick up. Opening the door a crack, she could see them staring at Jiraiya's lap. "It's not supposed to be this small!"

"Well... I have had my suspicions, but I didn't imagine that the size would be...this." Orochimaru said as he gestured at Jiraiya's lap. Tsunade strained to see what they were talking about, but numerous stacks of files were obscuring her line of sight. "But you only have one try Jiraiya, and I guess you blew it."

"So," Orochimaru smirked as he continued. "As you've seen, mine's not only larger, it is also longer. So in every aspect of the challenge, I guess I win."

"No fair!" Jiraiya exclaimed, as he glared at something of Orochimaru's. Tsunade cursed the files silently, craning her neck to see beyond the damned things. "Mine's long too!"

"Jiraiya...yours is..._limp._" Orochimaru finished, a martyred expression on his face. "So the win is mine."

Heat flooded into Tsunade's face. Surely they can't be discussing about..._that_. In the Hokage's office, no less!

Suddenly another voice came, from another side of the room, as Sarutobi strode towards the other two. "Well, I couldn't help but overhear the challenge, and truth to be told," There was a silence, followed by some rustling, as if he was taking out something. "I'm sure mine wins yours, Orochimaru."

With his back towards her, Tsunade couldn't see what the Hokage was referring to. But she had a good idea. The heat in her face jumped a notch and her face grew redder and instead of fading off, it stayed that way.

"That's...true, Sensei. But if I did this-" A small pause. "-then mine is longer than yours."

"Well, and if I did that too-" Another small pause. "-then mine would be longer as well. But if we consider the original lengths, I'd win. And mine is also thicker than yours, Orochimaru." The Hokage looked up and, to Tsunade unadulterated horror, saw her looking in. "Well, why not let's invite Tsunade to be our-"

Before he could complete his sentence, Tsunade had already sped out of the Hokage Tower, only one thing on her mind. _Cold shower. NOW._

Meanwhile, back at the Hokage office...

"I wonder why she ran off like that. You'd think it scares her to help measure our blades." Sarutobi mused.

"'Sword', that was what I said for the challenge. The length of our swords. And yours, Sensei, is a staff -Adamantine staff-, neither a blade nor a sword. Also with Kusanagi, I can't lose. So I win." Orochimaru finished smoothly.

"As for Jiraiya..." He looked at the pathetic small frog on his friend's lap, the sides of his lips curling upwards. "...it seems you've failed in summoning Gamabunta. While I applaud your futile effort, I'd like to remind you that even, your summon's sword can't be longer than my sword when mine can be extended at will. And your final, desperate argument for making me compare Kusanagi to the limp _tongue _of this _frog_ would not do you any good, as I've said, while it may be 'long' as you've claimed, Kusanagi is always longer."

Jiraiya sulked. "I still don't understand why the summoning of Gamabunta failed."

Orochimaru smiled as he faced his teammate. "Oh, didn't you know? There is a restriction on the size of your summons in the Hokage's Office."

Jiraiya stared at him, dumbfounded. Sarutobi simply laughed.

"Now, about that forfeit of yours for losing this challenge..."

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><p>So, so? Did you all get it? Reviews are loved~! XD<p> 


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